Since I seemed their age, they pulled on my braids...
On the bus headed way uptown during a gusty, but clear day-off I find myself transported way back to the times of elementary academic age. The actions of two little girls are my ticket to this type of travel that unraveled itself into the front of my memory bank. These thoughts skipped the line to cash themselves before all others on this afternoon. Those timid, but tactical tugs of my tendrils became a vacuumed vortex. I'd felt like I was in 5th grade again getting teased for being tiny. Teasing became torture once I opened my mouth in protest to the tormentors. Wicked words went from said to dirty deeds displayed. This was what they could afford before adolescence... attacking what they did not understand.
It became the same scene for these two terrors of today's time. I opened my mouth to open their eyes; I wanted them to realize that they could not feel free to invade anyone's personal space. Even if some wayward hair had been hanging over the partition which marked the border into their realm.
I said sternly, "Don't do that. You don't know me. Don't touch people like that."
So shaken my matter-of-fact reaction to their wrongdoings, their eyes widened with surprise. However, because they figured I at most only added up to an adolescent they took comfort in contemplating a repeat of raping my weave by whispering to one another.
"Go ahead, pull it again. It's right there."
"No, you do it. I dare you."
"Okay..." [giggles]
I turn toward these tots, letting them know I've heard their verbal blueprint.
"No! You won't. Don't even!"
At this, they both become quiet and focus themselves onto something else. Until the end of their ride. As they go to exit (behind their mothers) at their stop, I am given rolled whites, raspberries and haughty "ha ha ha's".
And I think then about absence of friends during elementary days. I am so glad to be an adult now, but question the value of the post-adolescence of others. Like mothers who talk amongst themselves in coded language, ignoring their children whom are in desperate need of discipline. The strain of my early days is still being cultivated within the blood of socialization. This makes me so sad sometimes I wish to be a shut-in.
30.10.10
November is Near...
and I am hoping the practices at the polls aren't repeated as in the scenario below!
Scene:
I get in line between my mother and father. As we go further in our steps towards the sign-in section, my mother asks if I'd like to go ahead of her. On first thought I want to say no, knowing that there may be a slight chance of me being mistaken for a child. At the same time, I also know my mother's capacity of correcting crude views of people who don't pay attention. She gets her protection prance on and can dig her heels deeply into the gut of the ignorance encountered. I say to myself, "Self, just let her go vote first. This way if anything goes awry in this guy's eye I'll be the corrective lens instead of ma winding her way into a tirade due to temperament." I stay in front my father while waiting.
And of course, the poll attendance taker smiles at me politely and promptly asks for my father's id so he can put him as present on the roll. My father, playing it cool doesn't even inch his fingernails into his pocket as I tap on the table with a 'Hey-I'm-Right-Here' rhythm. This attendance taker looks confused, but is quickly put to ease and pleased in the protruding of his pearly whites as he lingeringly looks at my Non-Driver's id card. I smile back and sign the book.
Scene:
I get in line between my mother and father. As we go further in our steps towards the sign-in section, my mother asks if I'd like to go ahead of her. On first thought I want to say no, knowing that there may be a slight chance of me being mistaken for a child. At the same time, I also know my mother's capacity of correcting crude views of people who don't pay attention. She gets her protection prance on and can dig her heels deeply into the gut of the ignorance encountered. I say to myself, "Self, just let her go vote first. This way if anything goes awry in this guy's eye I'll be the corrective lens instead of ma winding her way into a tirade due to temperament." I stay in front my father while waiting.
And of course, the poll attendance taker smiles at me politely and promptly asks for my father's id so he can put him as present on the roll. My father, playing it cool doesn't even inch his fingernails into his pocket as I tap on the table with a 'Hey-I'm-Right-Here' rhythm. This attendance taker looks confused, but is quickly put to ease and pleased in the protruding of his pearly whites as he lingeringly looks at my Non-Driver's id card. I smile back and sign the book.
23.10.10
freedumb of speech
people say the most perplexing, idiotic and sickening things to me whether my stature be a direct topic or not.
when i'm not being verbally assaulted directly it comes to me indirectly anyway. like when the guy in the coffee shop asks to use my table's charger for his laptop while he is squatting in front of where i'm seated. i'm not a child, i'm on your level without you kneeling to mine. matter of fact, if i see adults to this do children older than 2, i cringe. the same goes to those people that talk to kids in unnecessary high pitched voices; much like when the lady in the mall gives me the bag to store my items while schreeching, "here you go sweety." i respond with a low toned almost grunted "thanks".
when i am the direct matter of conversation most times a bulk of the talk winds up being one-sided. for instance, i am on my way to a late night shindig in the city on the train and this guy approaches me. i think to myself, "uh oh pedophile alert"(i could feel him looking at me funny for a while). he gets closer to me and utters a question of my age. i look at him like he is stupid (don't believe that adage that there's no such thing as a stupid question). he immediately back tracks from his question and apologizes to me profusely while letting me know his original question would've been worse because he was gonna ask where my mother was. REALLY?! it's so sad that this dude was really serious with his stance.
a little after this on my way to another train i get yet another strange encounter with a guy. he gives my his number on a piece of brown paper bag and exclaims that he couldn't resist because i was too adorable. i'm not into meeting new people like that. as if that would be the best compliment i've received in a while and i would be so grateful i'd call him. or i just seem approachable because i wouldn't immediately be classified as a physical threat. i don't appreciate adorable -- ever. i wish not to be worshipped.
speaking of worship... i also am not enthusiastic about using my body to puff up someone else's reputation either. i meet a fellow performing artist who says i should be his Hype Chick (he had liked the way i got really into MJB the dj spun after the show). yea, this did come from an angle of being funny, but dude was supposed to be a rapper not a comedian the last time i heard him spit from a mic. the audacity was apparent as this was the first time i even met him at all. although i'm sure he didn't even intend on audaciousness; he just figured he could get away with saying whatever. and he wondered why later on i refused to freestyle at the table. my inaction spoke a strict, "f u, pay me." we both wound up saying nothing of true substance to one another at that meeting.
Moral: watch what you say, instead of me.
when i'm not being verbally assaulted directly it comes to me indirectly anyway. like when the guy in the coffee shop asks to use my table's charger for his laptop while he is squatting in front of where i'm seated. i'm not a child, i'm on your level without you kneeling to mine. matter of fact, if i see adults to this do children older than 2, i cringe. the same goes to those people that talk to kids in unnecessary high pitched voices; much like when the lady in the mall gives me the bag to store my items while schreeching, "here you go sweety." i respond with a low toned almost grunted "thanks".
when i am the direct matter of conversation most times a bulk of the talk winds up being one-sided. for instance, i am on my way to a late night shindig in the city on the train and this guy approaches me. i think to myself, "uh oh pedophile alert"(i could feel him looking at me funny for a while). he gets closer to me and utters a question of my age. i look at him like he is stupid (don't believe that adage that there's no such thing as a stupid question). he immediately back tracks from his question and apologizes to me profusely while letting me know his original question would've been worse because he was gonna ask where my mother was. REALLY?! it's so sad that this dude was really serious with his stance.
a little after this on my way to another train i get yet another strange encounter with a guy. he gives my his number on a piece of brown paper bag and exclaims that he couldn't resist because i was too adorable. i'm not into meeting new people like that. as if that would be the best compliment i've received in a while and i would be so grateful i'd call him. or i just seem approachable because i wouldn't immediately be classified as a physical threat. i don't appreciate adorable -- ever. i wish not to be worshipped.
speaking of worship... i also am not enthusiastic about using my body to puff up someone else's reputation either. i meet a fellow performing artist who says i should be his Hype Chick (he had liked the way i got really into MJB the dj spun after the show). yea, this did come from an angle of being funny, but dude was supposed to be a rapper not a comedian the last time i heard him spit from a mic. the audacity was apparent as this was the first time i even met him at all. although i'm sure he didn't even intend on audaciousness; he just figured he could get away with saying whatever. and he wondered why later on i refused to freestyle at the table. my inaction spoke a strict, "f u, pay me." we both wound up saying nothing of true substance to one another at that meeting.
Moral: watch what you say, instead of me.
16.10.10
Slick Lips, Greasy Popcorn
After viewing a pg13-rated movie last night, leaving the theatre along with the exiting throng of fellow movie goers, not eight seconds before I reach the door which is down at the end of the sloping aisle do I hear, "How'd they let a little girl in here? This movie wasn't rated pg." I'm not in the mood to let this go (it's been one of those weeks) so I turn sharply towards the man who is rhetorically inquiring about me to his date. He realizes I've heard him (duh) and makes a swooping motion with his arm over his companion's head. In order to both lose my gaze and prove his next false point, his head turns in the direction his hand is now pointing while he says, "Yea, she was sitting back there...she looked like she was twelve." I'm surprised, with all his grand gesturing he didn't topple down the carpeted ramp and cause his date to careen into the door. I turn my head so I don't trip myself and shake my head and sigh as I make my way to the escalator.
Ultimately I was used for brief entertainment purposes which was originally intended to be a genuine inquiry. He'd rather have made a light jokey observation then have a heavy confrontation once our gazes connected. I'm sure he felt ashamed, but wasn't going to apologize for reasons of this being a brief encounter most likely never to occur again and/or of his ego not letting him come down from his high horse in assuming either way he was older than me. I can't care for the peers of my peers! I'm sure he was no more than 3 years older or younger than me. Instances such as this one makes me dislike that saying about respect for elders since so many idiots think themselves to be in this classification, when compared to me, based on glanced assumption.
Ultimately I was used for brief entertainment purposes which was originally intended to be a genuine inquiry. He'd rather have made a light jokey observation then have a heavy confrontation once our gazes connected. I'm sure he felt ashamed, but wasn't going to apologize for reasons of this being a brief encounter most likely never to occur again and/or of his ego not letting him come down from his high horse in assuming either way he was older than me. I can't care for the peers of my peers! I'm sure he was no more than 3 years older or younger than me. Instances such as this one makes me dislike that saying about respect for elders since so many idiots think themselves to be in this classification, when compared to me, based on glanced assumption.
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